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Nothing to say

July 3, 2011

Well the title says it all really, we are now firmly into new normal. Life seems to be moving along fairly fast (I’m discovering I’m not young anymore) with not too much in the way of drama, thankfully. From the outside it probably looks like we are all healed and happy now. But do you know what, its not. I still pray that in some miracle we’ll have Abi back, God can do anything, right? I am finding myself very anxious as our son is soon to start school. I want to grab the teachers by the hair and tell them how precious he is and how much our family has already lost. A family day out was close to being cancelled as I imagined all the unlikely and insignificant problems we could face. There are some moments of utter joy as the boys play and when I don’t let my fears prevail. But the normal sucks. I want to be content with just the boys, I want to feel joy without guilt, I want to look forward to the future with hope rather than fear. I don’t want to forget the past, but I don’t want to live the deep sadness. I have nothing new to say, I love you and miss you baby girl.

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