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April 24, 2011

Our big son was nearly 3 when his little sister died and whilst we obviously tried to keep things age appropriate, we didn’t want to hide away from him what had happened. As I was growing up I was very aware that to mention certain things or ask questions on some subjects left my parents uncomfortable. I didn’t want our little boy to feel that there was anything he couldn’t talk to us about, so we did our best to involve and explain things to him as they came up and he mentioned them. As the past 19 months have followed it seemed he was coping very well and for the most part had accepted and¬†reconciled the death of Abi and the new normal that flowed from her loss. I have however worried how Abi’s death will affect him in the future, but he seemed fairly settled with things, visits to Abi’s grave were ok with him and whilst he didn’t fully understand what we’d really lost, he occasionally spoke of Abi and seemed at peace with the photos we have of Abi displayed in the house.

A couple of weeks ago all this changed, he understood death is forever (well till heaven). Our poor big boy has been to several funerals in his four short years, they don’t faze him at all, but he never really understood. Shortly after breakfast one Sunday morning, from nowhere, he asks me if his great-grandfathers body is still under the ground. My grandfather died just a few months ago, just after Ben was born and once again we thought our big guy was coping well. He had only recently started to seem interested in his great-grandfather for maybe a few months before he died and we had obviously underestimated the close bond he had felt towards him. Hubby was busy in another room as the question was asked and without wanting to frighten our son, I called my big boy close and whilst fighting back my own tears explained that yes, his great-grandfathers body was still under the ground. With very little reaction he followed up with a further question, “well when is it coming out?”

In the following moments I held him tight and attempted the impossible, to somehow explain the forever of earthly death and make it ok to a deeply loving sweet four year old boy. A little guy for whom death has taken so much, a wonderful inspirational, big hearted greatgrandfather and a sister, who he would have adored with the same all consuming, unending gusto that he pours onto Ben.

What can I say, its just so cruel to know that at such a tender age that his heart aches for them, just as mine does. I can only hope, pray and try to help our beautiful boys to take joy from the love of the wonderful family we still have around us and trust that we will see those we miss so much again in heaven. Earth sucks, roll on heaven..

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Michael permalink
    April 25, 2011 12:02 AM

    Good to read again. Yes this is a tough thing to explain and learn. Good for you for sharing with him. He will thank you one day.

  2. May 13, 2011 11:16 AM

    I know this sounds weird, but I can’t wait for the day Tandi asks about Sophia. I imagine it will start with asking about my tattoo or the photo next to her dad’s side of the bed. I long to tell her about her big sister and how they will meet one day in heaven.

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